Jill and Sarah have been friends since their matriculation into the same faculty in university. Upon starting a new semester, Sarah has decided to run for the Chairman position in their faculty’s student group. After successfully attaining that position, Sarah decided to recruit Jill into her committee, along with their other peers to work on an event together.
Just two months before the actual occasion, there were many changes taking place in the committee. A few members left because they could not commit to the call of duty, while others were sighed upon for atrocious attitude. However, even with people dropping out, no replacements were found and this only meant one thing – everyone else’s workload increased tremendously, along with their job scope, overlapping from one subcommittee to the other. One day, in the midst of expediting the completion of a couple of designs for Sarah which was to be due at the end of the day, Jill unintentionally lashed out at Sarah, after hearing her ask the same question three times repeatedly in a span of two hours. Jill had not only answered her question the first time, but also taken time to type out a long message to Sarah to explain and clarify every misunderstanding. And yet during that moment when Jill was so busy, Sarah came at the inappropriate juncture. So this was what happened:
Jill yelled, “I’ve already told you what!”
Sarah snapped, “Ya, don’t have to be so fierce right!!!!”
After seeing Sarah’s reply, Jill realised that she had flared at her. She apologised immediately.
“Sorry about that, I’ve just been too overwhelmed with work,” Jill said remorsefully.
Sarah replied, “It’s ok, I understand.”
And you might have thought that the whole matter ended. Later that night, Jill logged into Sarah’s blog and to her astonishment found that Sarah had pinpointed and singled her out on her blog amongst others. Attaching to every person whom she had mentioned on her blog, were her thoughts and judgment she had to that person. Sarah had also written nasty comments and criticised their attitudes and commitments mercilessly. These people were her very own friends, whom she had recruited into the committee.
Jill was devastated, as well as distraught about the matter. She felt that Sarah had been hypocritical about the apology she had made. She could not understand why Sarah was unable to be candid with her and share as friends would whenever they faced difficulties or frustrations. Her other friends in the committee also expressed their discouragement. This kept them on their toes all the time, to the extent that they have to put on fake masks to please Sarah. Sarah on the other hand, who was probably disillusioned and indignant most of the time, felt that she had the right to post the inflammatory remarks. She also stated that her blogging space was hers to keep and that it didn’t matter what she wrote or who it affected.
This situation left the committee – Jill included – wanting to get over the event as soon as possible, while dealing with Sarah in a less amicable manner and trying ways and means to get someone else to liaise with her if they weren’t on her blogging black list. Jill distanced herself from Sarah and tried as much as possible to avoid her. Sarah continued as if nothing ever happened, occasionally frowning upon Jill’s aloofness. They had as little contact as possible, unless there was a need for communication, purely on a work basis.
Isn’t it a pity that these friends aren’t on talking terms anymore? This happened because both of them chose not to speak to each other when they were upset with the other party. Should Jill have expressed how she felt towards Sarah’s actions? Or should Sarah have apologised and be more cautious and learn how to filter what she says over the internet despite feeling adamant that it’s her personal space? Was Jill lesser to blame than Sarah? I doubt so. I believe that there was a better way to handle the situation by both parties and that they could have salvaged the friendship. What would you have done if you were either of them?
/edited 2nd paragraph on the 8th of feb/
Hi Jane,
ReplyDeleteI'll jump straight into what I think.
Jill and Sarah yelled and snapped at each other. They both had a lot of work to do, so I felt that it was excusable as they were under much pressure.
What I found inexcusable was Sarah openly criticising the people sitting in the committee that she chairs. How did she even become the chairperson? I have been in societies and seen the way clubs are managed and I just feel that freshmen lack the maturity to deal with stuff at that level.
Sarah knew she had people looking into her blog so she must have written those things for others to see. I think she might have been trying to prove something. From what I understand, she doesn't value her friendship with Jill as much as her position in the committee (or the authority that comes along with it).
Even so, that doesn't give her the right to criticise her group's performance in that manner.
So, if I were Jill and I wanted to salvage my friendship with Sarah (I'd advice Jill not to), I think I'll try and help her wherever I can, stay out of her way when she gets mad, and try not to get too close (don't want the same thing happening to me twice). I really hope that one day she'd come to terms with her own actions, maybe apologise or something.
And if I were Sarah, I'd ask myself why I don't have friends. Haha
Nah. I know what I've done is irreversible, so I'll hold a meeting to apologise for my immaturity and ruining my working relationship with everybody and just hope that they can accept my apology and try working with me again. It's easier said than done, but I feel it has to be as drastic as that. Then I'd go speak to Jill and well, apologise once more. It'll be up to her from there.
I think you've done a great job describing the situation and I can just feel how lousy the victims must have felt about this whole thing. Nice one.
hi dear Jane,
ReplyDeleteI really feel for the characters involved because a similar incident happened to some of my friends and me before.
I think it takes two hands to clap so both Sarah and Jill is responsible for the events that followed after the arguement. I will probably say that Sarah had reacted more aggressively to the issue while Jill has reacted too passively. Neither is desirable.
"There was never an angry man who thought his anger unjust", it is clear to me that both Jill and Sarah are angry and stressed from work at the moment so it will probably be best for both of them to cool down first. Words said when one is really upset may not be a true reflection of the person's personality. I mean, surely there were times that we said nasty things to our friends when we were so preoccupied with our own anger that we later regreted right?
If Jill(apearantly the more sensible one of the two)still wants to be friends with Sarah then she may have to put herself in Sarah's shoes and understand that as the chairman of the project, Sarah must be most stressed about the success of the project. Another thing is i wonder why Sarah still wrote that entry on her blog when she knew that Jill knows the existence of her blog? Perhaps she wanted to tell Jill something indirectly.
I will advise Jill to talk to Sarah directly about this issue in an sincere tone and tells Sarah that she will prefer that she express her true opinions to her next time. If Sarah apologise sincerely then Jill can continue to be friends with her. If not, we can't change peopl's character afterall, it will be better to become casual friends with Sarah and only contact each other for work-related issues.
What me and my friends did back then was we wrote a letter to the girl who complained about us on her blog. We said we were sorry for certain things and also stated that we felt hurt by her indirectness. Really happy that things didn't turn ugly that we are still friends today :D Hope it will be the same for Jill and Sarah!
Hey Jane,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to that. I think you really describe the situation and the people's feelings really well because I could feel anger of unjust and disappointment burning within me now. Haha!
Like roarhaha said, fresh undergrads are seriously immature to be given the position as a MC. Anyway, that's my opinion only.
What I read from your post, you talk mostly about Jill's thoughts and feelings. What about Sarah's thoughts and feelings? You didn't really mention. So, is this a bit biased against Sarah? Maybe she is going through some rough patch in life? Maybe she was let down by some of her friends cum members? As a director, she has got really tied deadlines and extra bullshit (pardon me) to do. Maybe she expects her committee to be more proactive in certain aspects? She knows Jill and the rest have access to her blog yet she still put up nasty comments. There must be a reason behind this. Maybe she wants them to know exactly how she felt and she thinks that she don't know how to let them know, and so she blogged it out? She definitely knows that she still needs them in the event, so she can't afford to offend anyone. But she still did it. So I think Jill should really talk to her and understand more from her what is going on with her or in her life.
Yeah, I know it hurts a lot to see your friend blogs nasty stuff about you and your other friends, but I hope that Jill will not give up on Sarah. As roarhaha said, if Jill wants her friend back, she should continue to help out and care for her. One day, Sarah will see, know and understand.
Since this is a girl-girl issue, how about Jill going up to Sarah and give her a big hug and apologise first? Jill can start the ball rolling first. I argued with my best friend before, and I seriously didn't know how to approach her. I just went up and hugged her and told her I was sorry. Maybe through this Sarah would open up to Jill more.
Sarah may be wrong to criticise openly in her blog. Jill has the right to get upset and disappointed with her. However, don't ever allow a faculty club to destroy the friendship (especially if she's a very close friend).
(Personally, I make sure that work is work and friends are friends. Work aside, despite how conflicts arised during work, they are still my friends. I have seen the club broke up many relationships and friendships, including mine. I hope that things will eventually turn out fine between the two girls.)
Wow! What a relevant scenario, especially since in this module we are blogging! (What would Sarah or Jill do if they read your post?) This is certainly a good example of a conflict caused by miscommunication.
ReplyDeleteI won't comment more than that on the content, since your buddies do such a fine job. I will say though that in your second paragraph there is a problem due to the fact that you don't use Jill's name early enough. Do you see what I'm getting at?
In any case, jane, thank you very much for your effort.
Hey Roy:
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that Sarah's open criticism was unacceptable, because it would furhter demoralise her own members. I did not feel that it was right for her to do whether or not she expected others to read her blog, the point is when she airs her dirty laundry in public, it makes it even harder for her members to swallow. Jill on the other hand should have asked Sarah about it, I think that would have given Sarah a chance to explain herself too even though she did not intend to.
Thank you for your comment. (:
Hey Jingyang,
ReplyDeletethank you for your comment and advice! I liked how your friends tried to salvage the situation by writing her a letter saying sorry. I think it takes a lot for the supposed "more innocent" person to make the first move in saying sorry. And I feel that a person with such humble characteristics is often the peace maker and helps in solving and prevent interpersonal conflict. (:
Hi Grace,
ReplyDeleteI do agree that I spoke more about how Jill felt. Knowing what she went through, I suppose my judgment and emphasis could also have been a little skewed. I thus agree that Jill should still try to talk to her rather than cut her out from everything!
Thank you for your advice
Hi Brad,
ReplyDeletemade the necessary changes. I know it'll be odd and awkward for Sarah to see this. But for the sick of protecting the real people involved, I have also changed the names of the characters mentioned. This is after all a true event that has happened, and I felt that it was apt for the discussion. (: